Outsider Chronicles: Phantom Thief
by Dis Lexic
Summary: Getting reborn as the Harry in a WBWL story is NOT fun. However, for all the pain I was put though, I think I came out best in the end. I'd have prefered to not have to go through hell, but its hard to imagine that I'll ever be trapped again when the Darkness itself is at my beck and call. Now, lets have some fun and steal everything thats not nailed down!
1. Chapter 1

Outsider Chronicles: Phantom Thief

Getting reborn as the Harry in a WBWL story is NOT fun. However, for all the pain I was put though, I think I came out best in the end. I'd have prefered to not have to go through hell, but its hard to imagine that I'll ever be trapped again when the Darkness itself is at my beck and call. Now, lets have some fun and steal everything thats not nailed down...and help stop the end of the world while I'm at it!

 **And we are back with another HP idea, this time its another WBWL, although from a more trationanal Harry POV. Oh, and theres an additional part to this story that will make things...interesting. Expect Potter, Weasley and possible Hermione bashing in the future. Not sure about the last one though. Enjoy!**

Chapter 1

You know, I often wonder if maybe I pissed someone off last time through. Then I look at my friends and realize that no, I most definitely didn't. Sorry, I'm getting WAY ahead of myself. Lets back up a bit and start from the beginning. It all started after I died from having a shelf full of Harry Potter merchandise fall on me. Not the most grandiose of deaths, although it does make me think that maybe Death has a sense of humor considering where I woke up. Anyway, after I died from blunt force trauma, I woke up again in the body of a baby. Not what I was expecting. But lets roll with it. What I can't roll with is the fact that someone upstairs seems to be having a laugh at my expense. What makes me say that? Well, my Father can turn into a stag, my mother is known for a fiery temper and green eyes and my Godfather is literally a mutt. I am fucking screwed! Oh, and you know the worst part? I'm not the only newborn Potter. Oh no, I've been reborn with a twin brother, Brandon Potter. Something tells me that is is gonna end badly…

* * *

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT! The attack happened pretty much exactly as I was expecting, with Voldie barging into Brandon and my room, stunned Mum in front of our crib, before shooting the Killing Curse at me. I'm not entirely sure what happened next, but whatever it was resulted in the Curse being reflected straight back at Voldemort with far more force, blowing the Dark Lord to bits and carving a pair of horizontal lines into my brothers cheek with the backlash. You can probably guess what happened next.

Dumbledore showed up, declared me the BWL and then did something that resulted in me getting dumped on the Dursley's front steps. What happened next was...not pleasant to say the least. Oh, the menagerie never touched me (at least not for the first few years), but instead they threw me in the cupboard and forgot about me, only remembering to feed and change me every couple of days. When I was three, Petunia set me to work on backbreaking chores that no reasonable person could expect a toddler to manage and then tossed me back in the cupboard with no food when I failed to complete them. I managed to take two years of that, but a few days after my fifth birthday, that changed. I had my first outburst of Accidental Magic.

* * *

It happened when Petunia was yelling at me again about something I can't remember and my anger and frustration at the demented woman finally reached a breaking point. I'd been able to keep my rage suppressed for years, mainly because I really had no inclination to make things worse until I could at least defend myself, but that day was just too much and I snapped. As a result, Petunia was sent flying through the glass door leading to the kitchen. To make matters worse, it was a Sunday, so Vernon and Dudley were home. You can probably guess where this is going.

Without going into details for obvious reasons, it hurt. In fact, it damn near killed me, not helped in the least by being tossed into the cupboard and left there for two weeks. I'm pretty sure that the only reason I didn't die of dehydration was because of my Magic, but even that couldn't stave of death for long and I was reaching my limit.

"D-damn it," I gasped as my vision started to fail, "I...I don't want to die...not like this...I need to...get...OUT!"

I tried to lunge forwards to hit the door, if only to remind them I was still in here so they would hopefully get me out. I didn't think they wanted to kill me after all. However, I was to weak and instead, slumped to the floor as I blacked out.

* * *

I found myself floating among the stars. It took me a moment to realize that I wasn't dead, but that thought was quickly washed away when I spotted...something. They were massive, well beyond what any Human could possibly imagine, made up of countless glowing hypercubes that were shifting and changing. They seemed to be twisting together in an endless dance as they moved through space towards an unknown destination. Then, I heard a voice. I couldn't hear exactly what it was saying, but I could feel the creatures gaze on me, watching, judging and finding me to be acceptable. Then, one of the creatures twitched and a fragment broke off and flew at me with the speed of a comet. Before I could react, it hit me in the chest and I found myself back in the cupboard, my body suddenly feeling full of energy and oddly...fluid. Then, my awareness suddenly expanded and I could see...EVERYTHING. My body came apart, flowing and shifting into the darkness as my vision shifted and I found myself able to see out of every single shadow in the house. The Dursleys were all asleep, oblivious to my near death and sudden change. I felt all the rage I'd been saving rear up like a firestorm as I watched them sleep and I felt my shadowy body respond, ripping and rising up, forming into blades and corkscrews, ready to turn them into burger meat.

That though served to break me out of my rage however as my non-existent body decided to remind me that my body desperately needed sustenance, despite the energy surge. I closed my eyes and focused, trying to pull myself back together. It took a moment, but my awareness pulled back out of the shadows and I found myself in the kitchen. I stumbled as a wave of tiredness washed over me and I staggered towards the fridge. I wrenched the door open and grabbed the first thing I saw that wouldn't kill me. I quickly lost track of time as I worked my way through the fridge, my starved body and magic driving me to consume more and more to replenish my body.

* * *

By the time I was done, I had emptied the fridge of everything that didn't need cooking and had polished off most of the pantry as well. Considering the size of Dudley and Vernon's appetites, that was an impressive amount of food. With my belly now full (and somehow not bursting at the seems), I dropped to the floor in a sitting position with a sigh of relief, idly noting the sunlight leaking through the kitchen window as I did. My body no longer ached and it seemed that my Magic or perhaps my strange new powers had already digested the massive meal and used the energy and nutrients to start fixing the damage caused by starvation and the beating. With nothing else to do for now, my thoughts turned to my new powers and their apparent source.

Just what was that? It was like nothing I'd ever felt and I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't find anything similar in the Wizarding World, so what…

I jumped as the door rattled and something landed on the doormat with a thump. I hesitantly stood and went to see what had arrived. It was the newspaper, something Vernon had never let me read, or watch the TV, either because he wanted to keep me ignorant of the world outside or because he didn't want Freak germs on his favorite things. Still, its not like I didn't know what was going on, having already lived through the ev...WHAT THE HELL?!

I had just idly glanced at the front page, only to be met with a headline about a town in America being destroyed by...the Slaughterhouse Nine. I snatched up the paper and wrenched it open, scanning the articles. Alexandria had fought a stupidly powerful Villain and won, a big fashion company had come out with some new fashion based on popular Capes that was hot shit and Leviathan was starting to make worrying moves...well, this was certainly interesting. At least now I knew where my powers came from. I glanced at the date and saw that it was 2001. So, to summarize, I'm apparently in a crossover world with countless people who make Voldemort look like a minor annoyance at best, the HP timeline was forwards about 10 years and I'm a Cape with power over Shadows. This was...AWESOME!

I felt a dark grin slowly cross my lips. If this world was that of Worm, as well as Harry Potter...ohh, the fun I could have! Screw the Wizarding World, the only thing they'd done for me was throw me aside! I'd probably attend Hogwarts, if only so I could learn Magic, but theres no way I'd help them with Voldie. No, I'm gonna go and have fun with the world as a whole! Theres so much to see and do, so many things I could swipe...wait, what?

I frowned and went back to that last thought. For some reason, I was suddenly feeling an urge to just start stealing everything that wasn't nailed down with my powers. Huh, I wonder if that was coming from my Passenger...eh, whatever, its not a bad idea at all. Hell, with my powers, it'd be a synch! My grin widened as the shadows around my feet started to writhe in anticipation.

A thump from upstairs wiped my smile of my face however. A life as a Phantom Thief could wait, first there was something I needed to do here.

A quick application of focus and my body turned into an inky black liquid-like substance that dissolved into the shadows and the darkness in the house became my body. I gave a dark grin as I located the Dursleys and went to work. Dudley was still in bed, but that quickly changed as the darkness under his covers suddenly came alive and wrapped around him, turning him into a fat, black cocoon that was yanked through his door (literally) and downstairs before he could even scream. Vernon was in the bathroom in the middle of shaving when his shadow suddenly shot up and grabbed him by the ankles, yanking him down as if the darkness had suddenly become a pool of ink, while Petunia was grabbed from behind as she turned away from her closet with her chosen outfit for the day in hand.

Within seconds, all three animals were in the living room, bound like flies in a spiders web as more and more black liquid like darkness leaked from the walls, floor and ceiling, transforming the sickeningly normal room into a chamber that wouldn't look out of place as the lair of a villain in the Lord of the Rings.

"M-mummy, whats happening?!" stuttered Dudley, his eyes wide with fear.

"Whats happening, Dudley, is me working out some anger issues," I said as I emerged from a pool of darkness, the ink-like substance acting as a body, despite the fact I was technically living shadow at the moment.

At the sight of me, the fear on Vernon's face was replaced with anger and his face went purple.

"BOYYYY, STOP THIS FREAKISHNESS AT ONCE!" he roared, "YOU WON'T GET AW…."

He was cut off as I plugged his mouth with darkness.

"Quite Uncle, I'm talking now," I said condescendingly, "Plus, you really don't want to make me angry...well, angrier."

The darkness binding the Dursley's rippled and tendrils emerged, morphing into razor sharp blades and corkscrews that aimed themselves at numerous tender places. Vernon immediately stopped trying to yell through his gag and went the colour of paper.

"Thats better," I said, "Now, despite the fact that I'd love nothing more than to kill you and consume your bodies, I really don't want you inside of me. Plus, I have no interest in staining my hands with blood, especially not yours. However, I still have a lot of issues to work through."

I gave a dark grin that made all three Dursley's recoil.

"Now, lets have some fun!" I said with false cheer.

I'm not ashamed to admit that their screams were soooo sweet to my ears.

 **So, that'll do for now. So, what do you think of my first attempt at a Dark (sort of) Harry story? It'd probably be more accurate to call him chaotic neutral considering his role will be more 'anti hero with a habit of fucking with the heros and stealing everything that isn't nailed down' than outright villain. Think Catwoman or Red X.**

 **Harry's power allows him to merge with shadow and darkness, transforming every shadow within a certain radius around him into his eyes and ears, although his range of control is a little smaller. He can draw things into his darkness, travel quickly and silently and is basically untouchable within his dark dimension, although bright lights can and will hurt him and force him to retreat.**

 **To be honest, I'm not sure how much Worm will impact this story...probably not much in all honesty. Technically, I'm just using the world because I love the idea of depicting the Wizarding World as so insular that most Purebloods aren't even aware of Scion and the Endbringers (somehow), although I do have a few ideas of Harry breaking into the Ward HQ and spraypainting 'GIEST WOZ HEER!' all over the walls. Expect a level of maturity on par with Abridged Alucard.**

 **And with that, I'm done. Don't forget to leave a review on the way out!**

 **EDIT: Made a few alterations where I fucked up and I think I've got the year right. My intention is for Harry to be 14 at the start of Worm. Would someone better at maths than me double check to make sure I got the date right?**


	2. Chapter 2

Outsider Chronicles: Phantom Thief

Getting reborn as the Harry in a WBWL story is NOT fun. However, for all the pain I was put though, I think I came out best in the end. I'd have prefered to not have to go through hell, but its hard to imagine that I'll ever be trapped again when the Darkness itself is at my beck and call. Now, lets have some fun and steal everything thats not nailed down...and help stop the end of the world while I'm at it!

 **And we're back. Nothing to say, other than enjoy!**

Chapter 2

Amelia Bones had a headache. For the past two weeks, there had been a huge number of robberies reported by Purebloods, mostly either 'upstanding members of society' (better known as Death Eaters who bribed their way out of prison) or people who supported the Pureblood movement, including the Undersecretary herself. As a result, Fudge was leaning heavily on her to do something about them. The problem was that she had literally nothing to go on, other than a tag that had been spray painted on the walls of each place hit, a cartoony rendition of the Dark Mark that Amelia had to admit was kinda cute, if it wasn't for the horrific origin of the symbol.

Other than the graffeety, there was nothing. No wards tripped, no broken glass, not even a trace of magic being used anywhere that didn't come from the home owners or visitors to the property. It certainly didn't help that the victims were being singularly unhelpful, despite the fact that THEY were the ones demanding that she find and arrest whoever was responsible. Then again, nothing that was taken was really that valuable, just some food, clothes and the occasional nice bit of furniture, but nothing that couldn't be replaced. Well, thats all that was reported at least. Amelia wasn't stupid, she knew that there was probably more missing, but it would be stuff that they really shouldn't have and would likely get them tossed in Azkaban. Or at least fined a lot of money. The only exception to that was Umbitch...Umbridge, who's house had been stripped practically to the bedrock and then coated in dust that was apparently all that remained of the Undersecretaries 'priceless' kitten plate collection.

However, all that was pretty much irrelevant at this point. No matter what the purebloods, the Minister or even the Wizengamot itself wanted, there was nothing Amelia could do. Whoever this Geist was, he was well named. Whoever it was must be incredibly powerful and intelligent to get through the Wards around the houses of old Pureblood families without tripping them. She had to wonder, just what kind of man was he..?

* * *

"Hehehee, that was fun!" I cackled as I tossed another silver item that tried to make my head implode out of the trunk that was my current home.

In the past couple of weeks since I got my powers, I had been traveling around the country, finding Wizarding houses and stealing from the ones I knew were Dark. Most of what I swiped was useful stuff for me, blankets, some furniture to furnish my new home and lots of food. I also lifted a number of rather valuable looking artifacts that were most definitely not legal if the fact they were hidden in secret chambers was anything to go by. It was while nicking them that I discovered that I was apparently immune to most forms of magic while in my Breaker state. Oh, the curses on the items still affected me, but considering my body was made of shadow, the curse destroyed the body that was holding it and then dissipated, allowing me to reform my body and toss the item out into the endless darkness of the pocket space that filled my Darkness.

Yep, I had a hammerspace. When I drew things into my body while in my Breaker state, they entered the hammer space and I could draw them out freely whenever I wanted. I could draw Humans in as well, but when I did it to the Dursleys...well, lets just say that my revenge was cut disappointingly short due to reasons of liquified brains. All three were currently locked up in padded rooms, drooling on themselves.

On the plus side, I had found a way around it by stealing an expanded Trunk with a small house inside from a store in Diagon alley. So long as I dumped a person I swallowed directly into the trunk, they'd be fine, as I discovered after experimenting with a couple of scumbags I caught trying to rape a woman and promptly swallowed as an experiment. I had then kicked them out of my home into the darkness, before spitting them out in front of the police station with their brains running out of their ears. Now I had a few expanded trunks floating around in my hammerspace, including my home that I had furnished with stuff stolen from Death Eaters. I had no idea what I'd use them all for, but I was quickly becoming a bit of a packrat. The kleptomania didn't really help either.

* * *

I spent the next six years doing nothing to help the mess that was quickly building up in my pocket dimension by moving around Europe and later America, doing everything I could to be a right pain in the neck for the local version PRT and Protectorate, usually by slipping into their base and stealing something from some of their Heroes. My trophies included one of Alexandria's capes, Armsmasters prototype halburd, an entire Dragon suit (where I had almost been caught by the AI before I shut the suit down), Legends mask, one of Contessa's hats and Myriddin's staff. It was that last one where I was closest to being caught by the Cape as I wasn't expecting to run face first into a set of Wards that were most definitely magical in nature. Turns out, the guy wasn't kidding about being a Wizard, although I was willing to bet that he was also a Cape, just like me. I also targeted Villains on occasion, although what I stole from them tended to be more along the lines of crap ton's of cash to pay for my living expenses. I didn't always steal shit after all. As a result, the name Guist was whispered by Heroes and villains everywhere, thanks to my habit of spray painting my tag and the words 'GEIST WAS HEER!' on every place I hit. Despite that, and the sheer number of thefts, I was still only considered to be an annoyance at best, similar to Uber and Leet. Probably even less so considering I didn't tend to target innocent people and, other than causing the people in charge major headaches, I didn't cause any public disturbances.

* * *

Of course, I didn't spend my entire time causing trouble and sometimes I did things normal kids did, ranging from going to the amusement park to visiting museums or going to the theater or movies. On my tenth birthday, I decided to do just that and snuck into a movie theater in london to catch an import from Aleph. I wasn't exactly paying any attention to what the film actually was, I was more interested in just enjoying my evening. That's why, when a very familiar theme started playing over the top of the Warner Bros logo, I nearly spat my coke over the family sitting in front. The film I'd snuck in to see was Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Holy fucking shit, it looks like the two worlds are more different than I thought!

I left the theater in a bit of a daze as I tried to get my brain back on track. How in the world was I supposed to react to this? I mean, its one thing to be reborn into a world of fiction, but its quite another to actually watch a piece of said fiction when your technically the main character of it!

I was so distracted by my existential crisis that I walked straight into a girl coming out of the loos, sending us both to the floor.

"Oops, sorry about that," I said, as I stood and offered the girl my hand, "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," said the girl, accepting my offered help.

She looked my age, with bushy, brown hair pulled into a ponytail and dark brown eyes.

"Hey, weren't you the guy sat behind me?" she asked.

I blinked and realized that, yes, she was the girl from the family I'd almost spat my coke over.

"Ah, yes, I am," I said, "Harry Potter, nice to meet you."

The girls eyebrows shot up and she gave me a flat look. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I know, but I'm not joking," I said, "Thats really my name."

The girl sighed.

"Well, its not like I can say anything," she said, "Hermione Granger."

Shit.

"So, what did you think of the movie?" I asked.

"Eh, it was alright," she said, "Not the best in the series, but still enjoyable."

I nodded in agreement. I fully agreed, although that might have something to do with the fact I thought canon Harry was an idiot, not helped in the least by the fact I literally was Harry now.

"So, what do you think are the chances that we'll get Hogwarts letters next year?" I asked with a smirk.

"About as high as Scion trying to destroy the world," deadpanned Hermione.

I paused. Ohh dear, that wouldn't end well.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, "Anyway, I've gotta go, so…"

BOOM!

I jumped at the sudden sound of an explosion and nearly melted, before I realized that it was actually Hermione's phone going off.

"Sorry," she said as I glared at her.

She pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen, before paling.

"Sorry, but I gotta run," she said, "It was nice meeting you Harry!"

She ran off. I watched her go with a raised eyebrow. Well, that was suspicious. I glanced around and extended my sense through the shadows. Once I was sure I was alone, my body came apart and sank into the darkness. My essence slithered through the shadowy dimension my powers granted me access to, quickly locating Hermione and latching onto her shadow...just as she got into a PRT van. I quickly zipped away as she started getting changed, but I'd seen enough. It looked like little Hermione was a Cape and a member of the London Wards. I couldn't help it as an eager grin that crossed my face. I'd never hit the King's Men, mainly because they didn't really have anyone as impressive as the Protectorate, but now? Now I really hope their ready cus Geist is in town!

* * *

Luna Lovegood stuck her tongue out in concentration as she added the last few ingredients to the bubbling vat of green ooze that would serve as the birthing chamber for her latest creation. She wasn't entirely sure where the ideas and methods of bringing said ideas to life came from, but she really didn't care. All she knew was that working on her beloved creations helped to fill the void left by her Mothers death and made her heart ache a little less. True, some of her more...volatile creations had recently escaped, but they had been retrieved and were no chewing on the bars of their cages again while the PRT tried desperately to find where the monsters had come from. She wouldn't be making such dangerous monsters again until she was sure she could control them, but that was fine. This next creation was far less dangerous and much more adorable.

There was an explosion of green smoke as she dropped the last of the ingredients into her cauldron as the goo vaporized, filling the room with a green haze and the stench of rotting eggs. A few seconds later, it was all sucked back into the pot and vanished. Luna waited a few seconds, before reaching into the cauldron and lifting out a small, rabbit-like creature with light blue fur, big round eyes, floppy ears and a short, crumpled, bronze coloured horn emerging from its forehead.

The little creature stared up at its 'mother' as Luna carefully checked it over for any sign of imperfections that could become a problem later down the line. After a moment, she relaxed, having found none, before letting out a squeal and hugging the little creature to her chest.

"I'm gonna call you Reginald!" she said.

Reginald just twitched his nose in response.

* * *

Lily Potter was excited. It had been 10 years since she had last seen her eldest son and it was finally time to see him again. She still wasn't entirely pleased that James had handed Harry over to Dumbledore to keep safe, but she understood the logic. Brandon was the Boy-Who-Lived and that meant that he'd had the press hounding him from a very early age. Dumbledore had thought it best to separate the two boys so that Harry wouldn't be targeted by proxy and potentially grow up resenting his brother for the attention. That didn't mean she didn't miss him though and she was looking forwards to seeing him again.

Unfortunately, that excitement quickly turned to horror and rage when Dumbledore told her where he'd left her son.

"ARE YOU INSANE!?" thundered Lily, slamming both hands down on her old headmaster's desk, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LEAVING HARRY AT MY SISTERS!?"

"Now Lily, I'm sure its not that bad," said Dumbledore.

"Albus, my sister HATES me!" yelled Lily, "She despises anything that doesn't fit her idea of normal! It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she…"

She trialed off as her anger bled away and was replaced by horror. She paled and nearly collapsed, her grip on the desk being the only thing keeping her up.

"Oh god, I bet she drowned him…" she whispered, "My baby…"

Dumbledore frowned.

"Now Lily, I'm sure she didn't do anything like that," he said, "He is family after all…"

He was cut off as Lily suddenly scowled and surged to her feet, punching him across the face.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID OLD GOAT!" she roared, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY SISTER AND HER PIG OF A HUSBAND ARE LIKE! IF THEY COULD GET AWAY WITH IT, THERE WOULD BE NOTHING TO STOP THEM FROM STARTING A FUCKING WITCH HUNT!"

She took a deep breath, shoving down her anger.

"Now, here's whats going to happen," she snarled, "We are going to go and get Harry from that place and if there's even a scratch on my boy, I'm going to make sure they go to prison for life. After that, you are going to get your nose out of mine and my children's business, no more trying to get me to go back to James and definitely no attempting to set my children up with ANYONE, especially not Molly's spawn. If James wants to let you use Brandon as your little puppet, fine, but I will NOT let you do the same with Rose or Harry."

Dumbledores eyes widened.

"Oh, you think I didn't know about that?" growled Lily, "Guess what old man, I'm not known as the brightest witch of the age because I'm good at school work and I'm certainly no delicate flower who stands back and does everything shes told."

She turned on her heel and marched towards the door. Before she left however, she paused and glanced back.

"Oh, and Dumbledore? If Harry's dead then nothing in this world will stop me from taking your head off."

She left the room, slamming the door hard enough to make it rattle on its hinges.

* * *

Dumbledore felt his stomach sink as he watched Lily leave. Ever since she had somehow survived the attack all those years ago, she had changed. She'd always been far to wilful for his taste and was far to intelligent to fall for his Grandfatherly act. He had hoped that being married to a good Pureblood husband would help make her more plient for his plans, but it hadn't helped. Just about the only thing she'd ever agreed to do without intense questioning was giving him Harry, but he was well aware of the fact that she had only done that because she was still dazed from the attack. Since then, she'd only become more independent and formidable, not helped in the least by the fact that any attempt to use computions to make her just a little more agreeable had slipped off her like water of a ducks back.

He'd been desperately hoping that he had been wrong, but now it seemed that his worst fear had been confirmed. That night, something Voldemort had done had corrupted Lily and now she was slipping into the Dark. The first sign was when she had left James, taking her daughter with her and things had only gone downhill from there. It pained him, but he knew he couldn't allow her to have any kind of influence over Harry, not if he wanted to guide the true Boy-Who-Lived to complete his destiny. The old man sighed deeply and stood, moving over to the fireplace where he threw some Floo powder into the flames.

"James, we need to talk," he said sadly.

* * *

Outside, Lily stalked out of the castle, shoving the main doors open with enough force that they bounced of the walls, before pushing off the ground hard enough to blast a crater in the magically strengthened stone. A moment later, Hogwarts was shaken by a sonic boom as she flew south as fast as she could.

After waking up from somehow surviving being hit by the Killing Curse, Lily had quickly discovered that she had gained powers from the experience. Despite the general Wizarding Worlds wilful ignorance of the fact that Capes were a thing (she still had no idea how that was possible after the Simurghs attack on London that had only been prevented from becoming another Switzerland thanks to her ability to generate a field that protected those under it from Master effects. She'd been unconscious for a week after that fight), she was not having never lost contact with her Muggle heritage and the fact her Father was the director of Britain's PRT. As a result, she had joined the Kings Men as the Phoenix, sometimes known as Britain's Alexandria. She thought that was a bit much as she was nowhere near as strong as the legendary hero, but there was no doubt that she was one of the stronger individuals that held an Alexandria package.

Of course, no one in her family, formerly or otherwise, were aware of what she actually did, with her Daughter believing that she worked for the Muggle government...which wasn't completely inaccurate. Of course, she doubted that her husband and son would actually care all that much considering both were much more interested in the fame and attention the Boy-Who-Lived received than actually being a good father and husband. Hell, the bastard hadn't even shown up to find out where his eldest had been for the past 10 years. It was that very thing that had made her divorce the arrogant bastard eight years ago after she had caught Brandon wrecking Rose's things and James had refused to do anything about it. That had been the last straw for her, clumlalating all the missed birthdays, the turning a blind eye to Brandon's bullying behaviour as meer pranks and the sheer amount of unmitigated spoiling that turned her happy baby boy into a self entitled, arrogant little toerag who was as bad, if not worse than Malfoy's brat. It certainly didn't help that James had regressed back into the arrogant, bullying asshole he'd been when they were in school.

* * *

Lily shook herself out of her revery as she reached Privet Drive and swooped down towards Number 4, switching on her aura as she did. While she was primarily an Alexandria Cape, with super strength, invulnerability and flight, she also had a Shaker ability that allowed her to generate a field that could protect everyone inside from unfriendly attacks. It didn't work on physical attacks, but energy, mental and even being noticed if she needed it were all possible. It was so powerful that it could even defend against Endbringer strength attacks, although that would put her out for the count for a while. Right now, she was using it to prevent her from being noticed by anyone in the street as she touched down and marched towards her sisters house. Despite being tempted to just kick the door down, she instead started banging on it.

"Petunia, get your ass out here!" she yelled.

No response. The red-head growled and was about to kick the door in, before a snooty voice stopped her.

"Excuse me, but are you looking for the Dursleys?"

She turned to see a middle aged woman with the look of a lifetime gossip about her.

"Yes, I am," said Lily, doing her best to reign in her irritation, "Are they here?"

The woman sniffed.

"I'd say not," she said, "They haven't lived there for nearly five years, not since that horrid nephew of theirs vanished and they were institutionalized."

Lily felt a cold shiver go up her spine. She had intentionally cut all ties to Petunia, which is probably why she never heard that Harry was with them in the first place, but still…

"Institutionalized?" she asked, "What happened?"

"Oh, it was horrible," said the woman with a tone that said she thought it was anything but, "No ones sure what happened, only that all three of the Dursleys were found completely braindead. No one could figure out what happened, only that it had to be the work of a Cape."

Lily swallowed.

"What about their Nephew?" she asked, "What about Harry?"

The woman snorted.

"Oh, hes gone somewhere," she said dismissively, "Good riddance to the brat."

Lily ruthlessly suppressed the urge to punch the woman's head of her shoulders at her dismissive tone. Just what had her sister done? Probably spread vicious rumors about Harry being a criminal knowing her. Either way, that was irrelevant.

"Who lives there now?" asked Lily, curious as to why no one answered her banging.

"I have no idea," said the woman, "The current owner's never there. I think they're holding onto it for tax reasons or something? They bought it soon after it was repossessed."

Lily frowned and thanked the woman, who continued on her way. She didn't feel like thanking her though. She had no idea where her son could be, but if her sisters family had been broken so easily completely, it sounded like he could be in the hands of a Master...or else he had been the one to do it. The idea of her son Tiggering because of her Sister made her fury rise again, but she ruthlessly shoved it back down. Now wasn't the time to lose control. She needed to see if there were any clues inside. If it had been bought by someone and never used, there might be some clues she could find.

She quickly reactivated her Aura and pulled out her wand, unlocking the door and slipping inside. The house looked pretty much like she'd expected considering it had been abandoned for at least five years, with dust and cobwebs everywhere. It was also pretty empty, clearly having been emptied by someone of the Dursleys possessions. The red-headed Cape raised her wand and started casting detection spells, only for it to come back with some extremely odd results. She did however find that there were some remains of Harry in the cupboard under the stairs. She immediately wenched the door open, ignoring the splintering wood, and felt her heart clench when she saw the large puddle of long dried blood staining the threadbare blanket and thin mattress inside the tiny space.

"Damn you Petunia," she hissed, "You should be glad that whatever got you did before I did."

She slammed the door (causing it to shatter into splinters) and continued with her search of the house. Her magical scans were useless, but when she entered the kitchen, she found something rather odd. Sitting on the table was a letter addressed to 'Albus too-many-names Bumblefuck'. Lily frowned. Who could have left a letter addressed to Dumbledore here? Was it the person who had Harry? With few other choices, Lily picked up the letter, after checking for traps of course, and opened it.

Dear Bumblefuck,

HI, its HARRY! You know, the kid you condemned to suffer at the hands of a family of subhuman creatures who I would happily feed to Nilbog? Or hand over to Bonesaw? Bet you have no idea who those are, but whatever.

I'm writing this letter on the off chance you actually bother to check up on me before I receive my Hogwarts letter to inform you that I've already slipped your leash. I cannot and will not be controlled by a senile old man with delusions of grandeur. If you try, I'll disappear so quickly it'll make your head spin and steal everything of even remote value in your office while I'm at it. I will then proceed to send you death threats by carrier pigeon daily so as to instil as much fear as I can as if basting a turkey, which I will then proceed to have sex with.

Thats right, I'm going to fuck the fear turkey!

Follow me on Twitter theSHADOWF*CKER!

Sincerely, Harry Potter.

PS, if it is instead one of my parents reading this instead of Bumblefuck and they want to explain why the fuck they thought it was a good idea to hand me over to the senile old goat buggerer, get in touch on PHO at theSHADOWF*UCKER or on Twitter at the above handle.

Lily stared down at the letter as she tried to decide if she should be amused, horrified at the language, enraged at the idea of the Dursleys treating her son badly enough that he'd willingly hand them over to the likes of Nilbog and Bonesaw or confused as to how he could know so much about the Wizarding World. Eventually, she decided that she'd hold of on deciding on a reaction until she saw her son. Instead, she walked out of the back door and once again took off, this time heading home, completely unaware of the fact that her former husband and headmaster had just apparated into the front garden.

 **And with that, I'm done. Well, that was certainly interesting, wasn't it? Not only did we get to see what Harry's getting up to, but we also got a glimpse into his powers and an additional three Capes!**

 **I'm not actually sure what power I'm going to give Hermione yet, but I'm thinking a Thinker of some kind. My working idea is that she acts as tactical support for the Wards team shes apart of and has an additional power that allows her to create a moving map of an area to help with tactical planning. Suggestions welcome!**

 **Luna's easier. Shes a Biotinker/Master who can create imaginary creatures. Her powers similar to Nilbogs, except her creations can't reproduce and are not sentient. She can also get her biomass from just about anywhere she pleases.**

 **Lily...oh Lily, how far you've come! She started off as exactly what she told Dumbledore she wasn't, a meek, obedient wife for James and shes turned into British Alexandria with a dash of Glory Girl thrown in for good measure. Her Shaker power came from her ritual to protect her children binding to her Shard.**

 **Why did I include the fact that Aleph actually does have the HP books and movies, despite the fact Bet doesn't for obvious reasons? Why the hell not? This is gonna be crack after all...well, it will be once I get going.**

 **Well, I did say that Harry would spend a lot of time channeling Alucard, so is anyone in the least bit surprised by his letter to Dumbles?**

 **And with that, I'm done! Don't forget to leave a review on the way out!**


	3. Chapter 3

Outsider Chronicles: Phantom Thief

Getting reborn as the Harry in a WBWL story is NOT fun. However, for all the pain I was put though, I think I came out best in the end. I'd have prefered to not have to go through hell, but its hard to imagine that I'll ever be trapped again when the Darkness itself is at my beck and call. Now, lets have some fun and steal everything thats not nailed down...and help stop the end of the world while I'm at it!

 **And we're back. Nothing to say, other than enjoy!**

Chapter 3

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 **Topic: HES BACK!**

 **theSHADOWF*CKER(Original Poster) (Phantom Thief) (Verified Badass)**

 **Posted on June 22nd, 2006:**

HELLLLLO BRITAIN! Its great to be back in my beloved homeland, causing chaos and generally making life difficult for heroes everywhere! I'm pleased to announce that I have once again added to my endless collection of junk by swiping one of Cartographers maps and Phoenix's boots! Don't worry folks, I'm sticking around for awhile this time, so lets see who else'll get the Geist treatment!

 **(Showing page 1 of 78)**

 **ShakespeareLover** (verified Ward)

 **Replied on June 22nd, 2006:**

GOD DAMN IT GEIST, CAN YOU AT LEAST YOU WATERBASED PAINT FOR THIS STUPID TAG?! Its a pain in the neck to get off at the best of times and if your gonna steal everything out from under us, the least you can do is stop making us more work!

 **Explosionlover97**

 **Replied June 22nd, 2006:**

Am I the only one worried that the Heroes seem more exasperated than angry?

 **SEEKER BADGER**

 **Replied June 23rd, 2006:**

I think its probably because they know they can't stop him. I mean, if the rumours are to be believed, he's managed to get into and back out of the Birdcage before! Even if thats bullshit, hes still basically Alucard 2.0 and we know for a fact that hes nearly impossible to actually hurt from that video that went viral a few weeks ago of him playing tag with Glory Girl and the Wards during his last trip to Brockton Bay.

 **theSHADOWF*CKER** (Phantom Thief) (Verified Badass)

 **Replied June 23rd 2006:**

Ah, good times...to bad Laserdream showed up before I could get what I was after. DAMN YOU LIGHT FOR RUINING ANOTHER FIENDISH PLAN FROM THE DARKNESS!

 **Point_Me_ _The_Sky** (verified Cape)

 **Replied June 24th 2006:**

FUCK YOU YOU PERVERT!

 **theSHADOWF*CKER** (Phantom Thief) (Verified Badass)

 **Replied June 24th 2006:**

Quite happily my dear ;P.

 **SEEKER BADGER**

 **Replied June 25th, 2006:**

Um, I thought Geist was just a kid…

 **theSHADOWF*CKER** (Phantom Thief) (Verified Badass)

 **Replied June 25th 2006:**

My dear Mustelidae, just because I'm a kid, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate beauty.

 **Explosionlover97**

 **Replied June 25th, 2006:**

Well, this thread just got creepy…

* * *

Rose Evens looked up from her computer as the front door banged shut, announcing the return of her mother from trying to find her non-dick brother. She didn't really remember her father or Brandon, but from her mothers stories of the pair and the stories she read in the Prophet (taken with the suggested mountain of salt of course), she was very glad of that fact. Still, she was eager to meet her other brother, if only so she could have someone to talk to. She had friends at school of course, being a pretty, intelligent and friendly girl guaranteed that, but she didn't know any other Magical Children.

The nine year old got to her feet and ran down to greet her mother and sibling, only to pause when she saw the woman was alone with a strange look on her face.

"Mum?" she said, getting the older red-heads attention, "Did you find Harry?"

Lily hesitated.

"Sort of," she said slowly, "Are you on PHO?"

Rose blinked at the odd question.

"Yeassss," she said slowly, "Why?"

Instead of answering, Lily waved her wand over the letter in her hand and handed it over to her Daughter. The red-head read it over and quickly dissolve into laughter. Lily had censored the foul language, but the basic gist of the letter still came across enough to tickle Rose's funny bone. Apparently she and her brother shared a similar love for causing chaos and inventive insults. Then, she reached the part about following him on Twitter and her eyes widened. Then she squeed loud enough to make Lily clap her hands over her ears.

"What was that?!" she demanded as she worked a finger into her ear in an attempt to get rid of the ringing.

"BIG BROTHERS A CAPE!" squealed Rose.

Lily blinked a couple of times, before her expression turned thunderous and she once again cursed her luck that her sister was out of reach.

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"Because theSHADOWF*CKER is the handle of Geist!" said Rose, dancing around the living room like a madwoman.

Lily took a moment to absorb that, before she carefully cleared her face.

"I see," she said.

Well, that was interesting and certainly explained a lot. Apparently it was Harry who did in the Dursleys and, frankly, it looked like he'd ended up far better than he had any right to considering what she'd surmised he went through at the Dursleys hands. Sure, he was an unrepentant thief and troublemaker, but even so, he was nowhere near as bad as James had been in school, superpowers or no, and, as far as she knew, he had never hurt anyone...well, other than their dignity. Besides, despite the fact he'd recently nicked her boots, she found him more amusing than annoying. She banished those thoughts and snagged Rose by the back of her shirt as she danced past.

"Alright, since your logged in, go send Harry a message asking to meet," she said.

"OK!" chirped Rose, "Can I come this time?"

"Depends on where he says to meet," said Lily, "Now go!"

She dropped her daughter, who wizzed upstairs, giggling all the way. Lily moved into the sitting room and dropped down onto the sofa, deep in thought. While she didn't really think that Harry would do anything to hurt either her or Rose, her experience as a Hero meant that she knew very well that Capes could be unstable, especially over things relating to their Trigger Event. There was a risk that, as it was technically her fault that he ended up in hell on earth, he might not be quite as harmless as his Cape persona made him out to be. With that in mind, she should really go in with some backup. The problem was, who should she ask?

She doubted that her colleagues in the Kings Men would understand and might just take the opportunity to catch the pain in the neck. Cartographer was a possibility, she was about Harry's age, but considering she had been the victim of a recent raid on the Wards HQ, that might be a bad idea. So who could she call…?

At that moment, Lily's gaze landed on a photo on the mantelpiece. It was taken shortly after she had dumped James and showed her with Rose in her arms and a slightly rumpled looking Remus Lupin at her side. The Werewolf was the only one of the Marauders she was still in contact with as Sirius had taken James' side in the messy break up and Wormtail was cooling his heels in the Birdcage after she'd caught him hiding out at the Weasleys in his rat form and handed him over to the PRT as the Cape responsible for killing the thirteen innocent bystanders on the night of the attack. Unfortunately, not long after the photo had been taken, Remus had been driven out of the UK by James and Sirius launching a smear champagne and revealing his status as a Werewolf. However, that proved to be a blessing in disguise and now Remus was doing better than ever with his new life in America.

Lily smiled and stood, making her way over to the phone. Yes, Remus was the perfect choice. Plus, she knew the former Marauder would love to see his Godson again. Plus, it would be a good chance to rub his new, happy life in his former friends faces, if they ran into each other.

* * *

You know, I still have no idea how I can get Wifi in my shadow dimension, but I think it probably has something to do with the Tinkertech wifi adapter I swallowed while I was looting the Toybox, but whatever the case, my housetrunk had internet access. It meant that I didn't have to visit anywhere with free internet access to enjoy the heleraty that was the PHO pages dedicated to me. It also meant that I didn't have to wait to see the PM my sister sent me. Huh, I have a sister apparently...that could be fun! Plus, if the amount of gushing she had done in the message, her username and the fact she was apparently a pretty active user on PHO all indicated that she was a pretty heavy Cape groupie with a thing for Geist...that was creepy.

Either way, I wasn't about to turn down my family reaching out to me, although you can be damn sure that I'd be yelling at them over their stupid decision. First things first though, where to meet...hmm, well, how about…

* * *

"Fortescue's? Why would he want to meet there?" asked Lily as she read her sons message over Rose's shoulder.

"Maybe he likes ice cream?" suggested Rose, "So, can I come?"

Lily sighed, but agreed. Honestly, there wasn't much reason not to allow her daughter to come along. Harry was her brother and his chosen location was about as public as you could get in the Wizarding World. She had to wonder why he'd chosen to meet there and not in the Muggle World somewhere, although it did mean that, if he did attack, she could fight back without ousting herself as Phoenix.

"WHOO WHOO, I'M GONNA MEET GEIST!" squealed Rose, jumping to her feet and dancing around the room, nearly running into Remus as he walked into the room with two cups of tea.

The former Marauder had arrived the day before, much to Rose's joy, and would be staying for a few days. He was needed back in Chicago eventually, but his job had been quiet lately, so he could afford to stick around for a short time.

"Shes oddly eager considering Geist is technically a criminal," he said, handing a cup to Lily.

Remus had changed a lot over the past eight years since he'd been run out of the country. Gone was the perpetually exhausted, scruffy looking man with gray in his hair, replaced by a healthy, well groomed young man with a thick, well kept brown beard covering his chin and a gleam of either madness or genius in his eyes. Not only that, but the thick claw marks that had marred his face during their time at Hogwarts had long faded.

"Can you blame her?" asked Lily, "She loves Capes and everything about them. The idea of meeting one in person, especially one thats her brother, is practically a dream come true for her. The only thing better would be meeting Phoenix or Alexandria."

Remus gave Lily a flat look and she rolled her eyes.

"Not a chance in hell," she deadpanned, "I don't want my Daughter involved in that world Remus. Hell, I don't want any of my children involved. The idea of them going through something like that…"

Remus winced, his hand moving unconsciously to his stomach.

"I know what you mean," he muttered.

* * *

It was D day, the day when I had set for meeting with my family to find out whether they were arses or alright. Currently, I was hiding in the shadows of a chimney stack just across the street from the ice cream parlor, waiting for them to show up. I admit, I was rather nervous. It was rather interesting to think that I could embark on dangerous heists into the shark tank that was the Protectorate HQ in search of booty, play tag with people capable of bench pressing cement mixers and potentially piss off powerful parahumans on a whim without even flinching and yet waiting to meet my family was incredibly intimidating. Alright, thats enough alliteration.

I snapped out of my internal monologue as the bit of me that I'd placed near the entrance to the alley spotted the gate opening and a group of three people enter. Lily Potter was easy to recognize, both because she hadn't really changed that much since I'd last seen her as a baby. She was still gorgeous, with shoulder length, red hair, the only thing that was obviously different, piercing, emerald eyes and a gait that spoke of training and strength...wait, what? That was different. It was the same gait as people like Alexander and Glory Girl walked with, a kind of easy confidence that said that they didn't believe that anyone could possibly hurt them. Mostly because they couldn't. I have no idea where a Witch could have possibly gained a gait like that though. She was wearing a pale yellow top, a pair of jeans and a white cardigan, all of which did absolutely nothing to hide her killer figure and gorgeous legs...good god, I'm checking out my own mother!

I quickly decided to stop that and turned my attention to the other adult. First things first, it wasn't James. I'm not entirely sure who it was, but he had long, dark brown hair pulled into a ponytail and a thick, well kept beard. Like Lily, he carried himself with confidence, but his spoke more of long experience in combat rather than the slight arrogance of indestructibility. Not sure who he was, but he was someone with plenty of experience kicking arse. Like Lily, he was dressed in Muggle clothes, consisting of a pair of jeans, a shirt with Myrddin's brand on the front and a leather jacket. Someone who knows and likes Capes apparently.

Finally, I turned my attention to the girl with them and quickly realized that, no matter what happened, there is no way I could live without her in my life. She looked like a miniature version of my Mother, complete with green eyes, and was already showing signs of the beautiful woman she'd one day grow into. For now though, she was an adorable little girl with a smile so bright I'm surprised it didn't force back my darkness. She was wearing an Alexandria t-shirt, a denim jacket, a dark blue skirt and pink kneesocks. Really, she looked exactly like the little sister I'd always wanted and I knew that anyone who ever even thought of wiping that smile of her face was in for a world of hurt and a one way trip into my Darkness.

I quickly pulled myself together, both literally and figuratively, and reformed my Human body in a nearby alleyway. After making sure I wasn't wearing anything from my hammerspace (that had happened once when I'd been distracted while reforming and somehow ended up with a cooking pot on my head), I stepped out of the alley and made my way towards the ice cream shop. As I approached, I caught the tale end of the conversation they were having.

"...is he?" said the girl who I think was called Rose.

"Calm down Rose," said Mum, "We just got here and its not quite the time he said yet."

"Actually, I'm right here," I said.

All three jumped and spun around. I smiled nervously and gave an awkward wave.

"Hi."

 **That'll do for now. Man, doing PHO threads is a right pain in the neck! I think I'm going to avoid doing them whenever possible in the future…**

 **Don't worry, once we get to Hogwarts, the crack will crank up, but for now, I've got to try and get a family back together. That said, Harry's inner monologue will probably remain pretty crazy.**

 **I REALLY don't think I need to spell out what Remus has been doing do I? Still, I wonder why he doesn't look as scruffy as he does in canon? Hmm…**

 **And since I can't think of anything to say, lets sign off. Don't forget to leave a review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Outsider Chronicles: Phantom Thief

Getting reborn as the Harry in a WBWL story is NOT fun. However, for all the pain I was put though, I think I came out best in the end. I'd have prefered to not have to go through hell, but its hard to imagine that I'll ever be trapped again when the Darkness itself is at my beck and call. Now, lets have some fun and steal everything thats not nailed down...and help stop the end of the world while I'm at it!

 **And we're back. Nothing to say, other than enjoy!**

Chapter 4

Rose honestly what she was expecting when meeting Geist. Maybe she expected him to emerge from the shadows like a specter, or maybe be clad all in black or perhaps a tall, intimidating presence. She knew he had a reputation of being silly and more of a headache for the Heroes than an actual threat, but her preteen mind had conjured up all kinds of images of what the legendary thief would look like. That's why her initial reaction to the slightly short, thin boy with messy, black hair, slightly too large glasses and scruffy, baggy clothes that spoke of little to no interest in how they looked together. Then her mind switched from Cape mode to looking at Geist as Harry and she found herself much more impressed.

Despite looking rather nervus, he was still wearing a slight smirk and she could see a glimmer in his eye that made it clear that his Cape persona was not faked at all. Her opinion of her Father and other brother might be coloured by less than favorable stories from her Mother, but she could clearly see that Harry carried himself with none of the arrogance held by James and Brandon Potter. Confidence, yes, but not arrogance. All in all, he looked like a good person who she believed she'd soon be proud to call brother.

* * *

Lily and Remus on the other hand scanned the boy before them with the eyes of those with plenty of experience dealing with Capes of all stripes. The glasses and scruffy clothes didn't really enter into their examination, instead, they took in the way he stood, his expression and even the look in his eye, trying to determine whether or not Geist really was as harmless as he appeared. What they found was actually rather encouraging. He was clearly exedingly confident, bordering on cocky, and his eyes were to old for his young frame, but he seemed well adjusted. Naturally, you can't get the full picture of someone from a cursory glance, so they wouldn't be lowering their guard quite yet.

Harry cleared his throat.

"Um, well, I suppose its kinda pointless, but I guess I should introduce myself," he said, "I'm Harry, sometimes known as Geist."

That served to snap Rose out of her awkward nervousness. She let out a squeal and darted forwards and glomped Harry.

"Hi, I'm Rose!" she said quickly, "Ohmygosh, its so great to meet a real Cape and your my brother and…"

She quickly trailed off into barely legible babbling. Harry stared at his sister blankly, before looking up at Lily and Remus with a look of utter confusion on his face. That was to much and both Heroes felt their paranoia instantly vanish as they burst out laughing at the look on his face.

* * *

With the tension of the first meeting broken, we headed over to a free table and, after ordering, finished the introductions. I was rather surprised to find out that the handsome and healthy man with Mum was none other than Lupin, who looked remarkably healthy considering it was the full moon last night. We made small talk while waiting for the food to arrive, during which time I realized I was quickly starting to like my sister more and more. Yep, no way anyones hurting her on my watch! And if they try, I'll teleport them into the path of an Endbringer. Or the Slaughterhouse Nine. Not sure which would be worse...Focus Harry!

Eventually, the ice cream arrived and the conversation turned to more serious subjects. Namely who the fuck thought it was a good idea to hand me over to the old geezer.

"Your Father," said Mum shortly when I asked, "I was...a little out of it at the time and by the time I recovered enough to realize what he'd done, it was to late. There was very little I could do back then to force him to tell me where he'd stashed you and, much to my regret, I trusted him to have at least put you somewhere safe. If I had known he'd put you at the Dursleys…"

"Speaking of which, what did you do to them?" asked Remus, cutting off Lily, who looked like she was about to punch something, "No one can figure out what happened."

"I didn't Master them if thats what you're asking," I said, "I pulled them into my Darkness. Turns out, its really not good for people to be in my Hammerspace for more than a couple of seconds. I only intended to scare the shit out of them and by the time I realized something was wrong, they'd already gone."

Rose frowned.

"But in some of the video's of you messing with Heroes, you've teleported them through your Darkness, right?" she asked, "They always seemed fine afterwards."

"Thats because they never entered my Hammerspace," I said, "My Darkness is effectively a portal I can use to send whatevers engulfed in it from one point to another, either in this space or my pocket dimension."

"So when you've used it to cut things…"

"I actually remove a thin layer of whatever I'm cutting, yes," I said, "Thats why it seems like I can cut through anything."

"Huh, I guess theres more to powers than I thought," said Rose.

I grinned.

"A lot more," I said, "Most of the time, Heroes and Villains aren't entirely honest about what they can do and what their limits actually are. Having a trump card is always a good idea."

"And whats yours?" asked Remus.

I grinned.

"Now why would I spill that?" I asked.

"Point taken," said Remus.

"So, what do you plan to do now?" asked Lily.

I paused as I took another bite of my sunday.

"Thats...a good question," I said, "I admit, when I set this up, I half expected to end up yelling at you and then vanishing, but now…"

"Your not going to come live with us?" asked Rose, sounding broken hearted.

"Whoa now, I didn't way that!" I said before my cute little sis could start crying, "Its just...I've been on my own and traveling around for five years now. I don't think I can just give that up at the drop of a hat."

Rose still looked upset, but Lily nodded.

"I understand," she said, "Just remember, you'll always have a home with us."

I smiled, a warm feeling filling my chest.

"Thanks Mum," I said.

Unfortunately, the warm and fuzzy atmosphere was shattered by an annoyingly familiar voice from behind me.

"Ah, there you are Lily!"

Mum and Remus' faces immediately went carefully blank, although that didn't stop me from noticing that Mum was apparently strong enough to crush metal furniture out of shape with her bare hands. Something to think about later. In the meantime, I turned to see who could only be James Potter. Unlike Lily, who could still pass as a woman in her late teens, James looked like he'd aged about ten years more than he should have. He was overweight, balding and had lost most of the good looks I remembered him as having from when I was a baby. He was wearing robes that looked like they were made of Acromantula silk to my trained thief eyes that did very little to hide his gut.

"And you found Harry as well," said James with a smile so fake I wouldn't be surprised if even a coked up Merchant would be able to call him out on it, "And…"

He trailed of when he saw Remus and his smile became even more fixed.

"Lily, who's this?" he asked, a hint of threat in his voice.

"I fail to see how any of thats any of your business Potter," said Mum, her tone frigid enough to freeze the toes of a polar bear.

"Well, you are my wife…" started James.

"EX-WIFE!" snarled Mum, "Get it through your fathead Potter, we. Are. Through! There is no way I'm ever going to get back with you! Theres more chance of me hopping into bed with a cave troll than that!"

James puffed up like a bullfrog and I decided to step in before he croaked.

"Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started out with the world's cruellest handicap…" I said idly, "Then again, I'm sure your used to tiny dicks from taking up the arse from that manipulative old goat. Say, is he an actual goat or is he really a wether?"

Everyone stared at me wide eyed with Mum looking like she wasn't sure whether to be furious or proud, Remus looking giddy at how I managed to insult both James and Dumbledore in one sentence and Rose looking like she was about to burst from suppressed laughter. James on the other hand looked furious

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" snarled James, whipping out his wand and pointing it at me, "Do you know who I am?!"

I just yawned.

"You know, that would be intimidating...if you were actually intimidating," I said as I put my feet up on the table.

"Are you mocking me?!" roared James.

"Oh no, no no no no no...pffft, yeah!"

A dustbin lid appeared in my hand, just in time to block the spell the enraged Potter sent at me, before I slung the lid like a frisbee at the idiot, catching him full in the face and sending him crashing to the ground. Frankly, it was a good thing that the alley was mostly dead at the moment as it saved his dignity from receiving the same treatment as his nose.

"Well, my appetites gone," I said.

"Yeah, kinda a buzzkill, isn't it?" said Remus.

"I'm not sure if I should be annoyed or pleased," muttered Lily as she got to her feet, "But your right, I don't feel like eating with that making the place look untidy. Come on, lets go home."

"OK," said Rose, "Are you coming Harry?"

I smiled and stood.

"Sure, lets go."

 **Bit short, but thats as good a place as any. Plus, I inserted two Alucard quotes in, so thats good.**

 **Before I forget, I think I should clear something up. While Harry Potter does exist on Earth Bet thanks to trading with Aleph, its not the insane phenomenon over there like it is IRL or even on Aleph. There will be people who know about it, but not every single Muggleborn will be aware of HP. Of course, the ones that are will still act like you'd expect, especially when they find out their in a WBWL story.**

 **And with that, I'm done. Don't forget to leave a review on the way out!**


End file.
